"Since I am guilty of this, of that (I have - I assign myself - a thousand reasons for being so), I shall punish myself, I shall chasten by body: cut my hair very short, conceal my eyes behind dark glasses (a way of taking the veil), devote myself to the study of some serious and abstract branch of learning. I shall be very patient, a little sad, in a word, worthy, as suits a main of resentment. I shall (hysterically) signify my mourning (the mourning which I assign myself) in my dress, my haircut, the regularity of my habits. This will be a gentle retreat; just that slight degree of retreat necessary to the proper functioning of a discrete pathos."
I shall be trapped within my own body/existance/self indulgent sadness for this purpose.